A Nigerian’s Experience of How Nigerians Process “No”
A culture of not processing ‘no’ properly lets people ignore all the red flags and pitfalls of embarking on an obviously perilous journey. It’s the same motive that convinces Nigerians to pray, pay, lie, and bribe their way through any situation that allows it.
No, self-righteous Nigerians, you are not in charge.
Google defines ‘no’ as a determiner, an exclamation, an adverb, and a noun; a negative answer or decision, especially in voting. It is a very interesting word as most people don’t generally like it when it’s told to them; they tend to react to it in one of several ways. Several people have written books and articles about that word, including Claudia A. and James Althucher (the book is on my “to read” list) and I respect James Althucher. I’m looking forward to featuring on his podcast very soon!
No is a very special word. How people react when they get a no is very interesting, how Nigerians react is — for want of a better way to describe it — outlandish. “No” can be legitimate or not. My intention here is to discuss how we react to “no,” not the legality or justification of it. In this scenario, “no” encompasses every situation where an individual is denied a request or barred from getting what she wants.
Some years ago, I was heading to Hitherto Airport to catch a flight back home. Because the flight was very early in the morning, I had to leave where I was staying (there was no car to drop me off at the train station or even the airport) while it was still dark. I had all sorts of horror movie scenarios stream through my head. It was dark and I was scared. I took a short walk to the train station, but when I arrived, I discovered that I had missed the early train.
After waiting several minutes, I boarded the next train. Unfortunately, the train had a twenty-minute delay, and by the time I got to the airport, check-in was over. Despite my pleas, the airline staff maintained his stance.
“Check-in has closed sir, I’m sorry,” he said. I tried to explain that there was a delay on the train. As I got more dramatic and outlandish with my pleas, the airline staff stood up and left me with an empty kiosk. I knew right away I wasn’t going home that day. To this day, I can’t tell you why I didn’t check in online.
Nigerians are special people. We make the news for things ranging from one end of the activity spectrum to the other. We are very peculiar. One of the things we regularly make the news for is the staggering level of corruption in our beloved country Nigeria, West Africa’s jewel of the Nile. From allegations of complicity and corruption against the Army in the fight against insurgency to the numerous scandals rocking most of our political figures and government institutions at the federal, state, and local government levels, corruption is rife in the country. The former British Prime minister, David Cameron, even described us as “fantastically corrupt”.
Of course, I must clarify now that while corruption is rife, living in Nigeria isn’t that bad at all, it's like living in the USA despite all the school shootings and political turmoil of that country or living in the UK with the realization that BREXIT is an inevitability; like the famed advent of winter in Game Of Thrones: Winter is coming! One of the threads that hold the monstrosity together in Nigeria is how Nigerians handle “no.”
The average Nigerian believes there’s always a way. She believes anything can be reworked, and amended to suit her. She believes she can pray, pay, lie, and bribe her way out of any situation. We’ve heard all too many times about police corruption and brutality. What doesn’t make the news as often is the fact that the average Nigerian would most likely preempt a police officer by offering a bribe — mostly because they’d rather not deal with their excuses. Intrinsic to bribery is the idea that the individual doesn’t want to be delayed or hassled.
The average Nigerian would probably just, in Nigeria parlance, drop something for the boys. It’s an evil that feeds itself. Most government officers would abuse their office knowing full well that we don’t process ‘no’ very well and would most likely pray, pay, lie, and bribe our way out of a situation such a government official has carefully orchestrated. Because we believe there is always a way, we don’t process ‘no’ properly. Things must always go in our favour.
Recently, a news report revealed that some Nigerians were trapped in Russia after the World Cup. Most of them went under the guise that they were there to witness the World Cup. Meanwhile, the terrible Russian cold coupled with the fact that Russia intends to purge its system of illegal immigrants has effectively put paid to their dream of ‘making it in Russia’. I still cannot fathom the thinking that would convince a person to risk entering another country illegally via danger-ridden routes. I want to travel and see the world but if I apply for a country’s visa and am turned down I won’t fret; I would simply accept it with the mindset that the country isn’t ready for my awesomeness yet.
A culture of not processing ‘no’ properly lets people ignore all the red flags and pitfalls of embarking on a perilous journey. It’s the same motive that convinces Nigerians to pray, pay, lie, and bribe their way through any situation that allows it.
A few years ago, I worked in one of the major banks in Nigeria, with the hope of one day becoming a movie-maker and an investor. Movie-making is a passion; investing is… investing. I encounter so many people every day, so many characters — men, women, and even children. There are a few behaviours common to the majority of them; these behaviours are peculiarly intriguing. One of the most common behaviours is how they process “no”. For the sake of exposition, I will give a scenario:
Back when I still worked in a bank, a bank customer came in after closing hours with a fairly long and complex transaction. He prayed, cheated, paid, lied, and bribed his way into the bank, after closing hours, and then demanded that his transaction be processed when he was told it could no longer be done that day. He spoke all the grammar he could but he was told no. He didn’t handle it well at all; he threw tantrums like a child.
I believe that there are two kinds of reactions to no by a Nigerian. There is the preemptive reaction: here, the person anticipates a ‘no’ and therefore decides to prevent it by any number of actions; bribing, cheating, cajoling, and even threatening. The second kind of reaction is the outlandish reaction: here the person responds to a ‘no’ that has already been expressed. The reaction here can range from anger, frustration, and rage to threatening and physically harming the other person for saying ‘no.’ This mishandling of ‘no’ by most Nigerians is affecting us on a national scale. Our politics, economics, commerce, and way of life are laced by our collective reaction to ‘no’.
What is truly amazing is the fact that Nigerians are quick to say no even when it isn’t warranted. We don’t take time to process the why behind the no and we are very quick to ask, “Do you know who I am?” (as if who you are would intimidate the other person into acquiescing to your request) when we get a no.
I had to go back to where I was holding up… I felt bad I couldn’t join the plane back home but on the way, I still stopped and took pictures with some officers who were riding horses through the streets. In my opinion, my reaction to ‘no’ was tempered and restricted to the urgency of the situation I was in. I am, by no means, a standard of measurement for how people should react to rejection but I believe I have come to appreciate it when I hit a dead end early enough.
That way I can refocus my energy. Of course, this doesn’t mean every time I get a ‘no,’ I throw in the towel. For me, it means I process the ‘no’ from my perspective and the perspective of the other person. I try to weigh the reason, the why that informed the ‘no’.
The beauty of being able to process ‘no’ is that you can realize very quickly where there is no way and move on to where there is.
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